Finally.
Have you ever had a “Finally!” moment? I’ve had several in my life, but the latest one took place on yesterday. So, there we were in the fifth or so week of this world wide Covid-19 pandemic. My husband had recovered and I was recovering from what my doctor said were the symptoms of said virus. And if that’s not enough, I was also battling matters of the heart.
Allow me to bring you up to speed as to what my last nine months had looked like. In a nut shell, my husband and I found out we were expecting this past July. And oh boy, were we overjoyed! Well, September 11th rolls around and we find ourselves inside of a Brooklyn hospital receiving the news that our precious baby no longer had a heartbeat. Hurt, crushed, robbed, are just a few of the feelings that filled my body.
But that’s not what this telling is about. Through that entire journey, I felt most of whom I called friend(s) for the past twenty years or so, were not there for me. Why is that important to mention you may ask? Well, because each of them had often shared with me their appreciation for my unconditional love, support, and listening ear. My response to that level of hurt was to shut down and allow no one in. And I did just that.
I am skipping so many details, but if I feel good after writing this, maybe there will be a part two or three. We’ll see. So, here I am nine months later dealing with my husband’s health, my own health, and covering my three year old daughter in prayer for God to keep her healthy in the midst of all this. But you know what I couldn’t shake? The feeling that I needed to make right with all whom I had cut off. After all, did I really think God would hear and answer my prayers with unforgiveness in my heart? No I didn’t, and it tugged at me morning, noon and night.
So one day, I just did it! I called the first person on my list. Let me add that it took a lot of prayer. And I’m not talking about pretty prayers. Lol! This girl right here had to humble herself and rid herself of all pride. I had to get low and humble enough to do what I felt was the right. So like I was saying, I called the first person on my list and they answered. We talked everything out and forgiveness was applied. Thank God! I got through the first one.
Skipping to the last person on my list. Now that phone call was one that I dreaded the absolute most. I picked up the phone several times, and put it down several times. My pride was like “nope”! Several days went by. I even placed a note on my dresser to remind me to make the call. More days went by. Until yesterday that is.
So I did it. I reached out to that person via text and they responded. I proceeded with the call and they answered. Did I know what all to say? No. Did I stumble with my words? Yes. Do I feel the conversation went ideally or perfect? No. But did I finally do what I felt was right? Oh yes! And do you know how I felt getting off that phone? So much lighter! The only word I could say was “finally”!
I just want to encourage someone else out there who may have been struggling with correcting a wrong. Maybe it’s a family member, maybe it’s a close friend. And maybe you feel the way I felt. Like, I have the right to feel this way. These people did me wrong. And that’s ok to feel that way temporarily. I am learning in life that people are going to do me wrong. That’s just life. But I also know that I am a person that will do others wrong and will need forgiveness and understanding.
Jesus does it for me every single day. Let me not forget that He even gave his life for me, and let me NEVER think myself too high to follow His Great Example.
Written By: Shannon Giddens
Army Wife. Mom. Daughter of the Most High! #iAMaRewriter